Things I'll never say
by Aroe
Summary: Mushra heard when Yakumo told Mushrambo she loved him during the Ryuma saga.3 words that ripped Mushra's heart out.Because Mushra and Mushrambo aren't the same person.Now Mushra wonders,does Yakumo love him,or does she love Mushrambo ?


Disclaimer:Mushrambo isn't mine and blah and blah !  
  
AN:"Things I'll never say" is the title of one of Avril Lavigne's song..I like that song lots,so...  
  
Dedications : To Jing,a good ol' friend,to Kurapika Suki,my very evil buddy with who I plot evil KurapikaXKuroro stories,to Kura,the stranger who gave me a smile when I lost my webbie, AND to Cielo,the best HxH romance writer outta there..Check the girl up !  
  
  
  
This fic is narrated by Mushra and guess who he loves !  
  
  
  
  
  
Things I'll never say  
  
  
  
I'll never ever tell her. She deserves to be happy, so I musn't tell her .Maybe she doesn't feel the same way.And if she oved someone else ? And if...I musn't tell her if it troubles her... And besides,I don't think I'd ever have the courage to tell her.Hugh. When it comes to Romance,I'm always a coward.What am I talking about ? I've never felt this way towards anybody.  
  
And besides,even if Saago and Kutal probably didn't hear it when she told Mushrambo she loved him,I did hear . But was she either teling Mushrambo she loved HIM, or me ? That's not fair. I mean,she jsut told Mushrambo right away she loved him ,thoguh they never did travel together ,did they ? They never shared as much as I shared with her,did I ? But...I heard Yakumo telling Mushrambo she loved him..Does that mean that I'm Mushrambo too ? Does that mean she loves soem super strong guys that popped out of nowhere thanks to Saago ,Kutal and I ? Why ? Why am i feeling tears go down my eyes ? A flood of tears .. I never felt as lonely...  
  
Feels like nobody cares.did anybody really "love" me ? Have I ever been any help to someone ? No,I feel like I've never been of any great help. I feel like I wouldn't have been cared for if I didn't have any powers . Those damn powers really were the things that made me different...  
  
Nobody ever cared for what I really was...Maybe I'm too childish ? Even though I'm part of Mushrambo,and probably the main part ,I feel like Yakumo said "I love you." to someone else than me.She didn't say "I love you." to Mushra ,she said "I love you." to Mushrambo. Why's he any better tha me ? If I didn't exist,then there would be no Mushrambos.... Why ? Why did she tell him she loved him and not me ? Why coudln't anyone ever tell me "I love you" ? I'm not mature enough ? I'm too childish ? Would someone childish and all trouble himself with everything that's in my head ?  
  
Why am I suffering so much ? Maybe I'm growing up..This journey made me grow up,and I know it. Why doesn't she try to understand I love her ? I this head my thoughts ARE deep...  
  
Sometimes,Yakumo and I argued.But i didn't even regret that. And I remember everything we went throught together..  
  
I remember all those small but meaningful moments between yakumo and I throughout my life. I remember Saago teasing about the fact that I liekd her. I remember her saying,a bit cross "So you think that I smell ?" but I knew she wasn't mad at me. And besides,if she cared about that,that also probably meant she thoguht it mattered what I thought of her.  
  
Ever since the very beginning,in the other paralell world, she grew up a lot , she became wiser,though she was also wise at the beginning... But...Sometimes,it kind of annoys me the way she looks upon us,like a priest praying for us and for victory.but that's her job. And besides,for me,she's the goddess of hope.As pure as snow. It annoys me cause sometimes it feels like I'll never be good enough to have her.  
  
That I'll never deserve to love her,because..Well,because she's the sacred priest...And that I'm just the fighter.  
  
I know she wouldn't consider me as a simple warrior,but that would probably be my only status. I wonder...I wonder if in another world there's another Mushra who's in love with another Yakumo....I bet no... Anyways,Yakumo...  
  
Tears stopped..because I remember everything we've gone through together.  
  
Our smallest arguments,your smiles ,everything. I'll never forget anything,cause you're my life...  
  
Yakumo,whoever you love,whatever you do,as long as it makes you smile,I'll support you...  
  
Yakumo.....I love you......  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
AN 2 : Hehe...Have you noticed that the "In my head my thoguhts are deep" comes from "My World" ,an Avril Lavigne song ? I love her songs so much^^ !!! I might draw a Fanart or a Doujin to go with that fic...There will probably be a second chapter....It's the same kind of fic as for "My Catgirl" ..I'm proud of that fic too..  
  
My Catgirl and Things I'll never say are my two best fics !! Oh,by the way, when I said "as pure as snow" ,did you notice that I refferred to what Kakashi-sensei says about Haku after Haku's death when it starts snowing in volume 4 of the manga Naruto ? I love Naruto^^ ! I love HunterXHunter^^ ! I love Inu-Yasha^^ ! I love Hoshin Engi^^! I love Shounen Manga^^ ! Hope I'll get at least 1 review ! 


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